I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but I recently attended an athletic event where all of the participants were rodents. In a weekend with two childrens' soccer games and another one's ice hockey game, we squeezed in the Hamster Ball Derby at Petco. That's right; I gave up precious hours of my Saturday afternoon watching Mario, our pet gerbil, put to shame on a plastic track by a bunch of hamsters in plastic balls. While my children cheered, cajoled, and commanded him to the finish line, Mario paused to groom himself and I thought it's not a far leap from Petco to the greyhound track or that whole mess Michael Vick got himself into. Trying to be more positive, later in the week we reflected upon other rodents who have impressed us with their adventures. By the way, they are all imaginary. Our list included Ralph S. Mouse, Lily of the purple plastic purse fame, that mouse who got the cookie, went to the movies and school, and of course, the Big Kahuna, Stuart Little. If we lined them in plastic hamster balls and yelled "Go!" who do you think would win? My money's on Ralph S. Mouse.